Self realization kann mich mal

Dear Sam,

No more, no more, no more. Just no more! No more journeys in the sleeper class or worse, passenger class, no more waiting with strangers on a semi-dark platform in a strange city, no more getting unwillingly extremely cozy with Indians in a train, no more feeling cheated by the auto-rickshaw driver for the umpteenth time, no more swallowing the urine-stink every time I breathe, no more ... just no more. No more India! I've had it all! I don't know any more why I'm doing this or what was the reason that changed my mind and I took off for this blistering bullsh** backpacking instead of taking off directly to Munich! Self realization? Adventure? Knowing the unknown?

It's 3 o'clock in the morning and I'm in a very dubious dormitory (it says ladies) with 8 other empty beds (I've taken 2) and I'm just sooo scared! There's an attached bathroom which can be opened from the other side and THAT door can't be closed!

And the really odd caretaker who let me in at 12 o'clock at night (yes 12 o'clock, I usually don't "plan" such late arrivals; thank you Indian Railway), took the money for the night (120 rs) almost forcefully... without giving me any receipt for that. He kept saying, "You take receipt tomorrow from manager" and I kept saying, "You take money tomorrow from me"... but in vain! That creep was sliding alarmingly nearer while sitting beside me explaining how to fill up the check-in form. I had done that loads of time by now -.-, "it" always asks the same usual cowdung. I got really rude to him the moment I felt uncomfortable.

I'm scared, have got only 80 rs in my pocket and haven't eaten anything except the snacks that the Andhra Pradesh family (coming from Shirdi's Sai Baba's) shared with me, my throat is as dry as an unused toilet paper and I'm confused and I'm scared :-(. I'll just go find a Western Union first thing in the morning, collect the money, flash through Ellora, head to Ahmedabad (since the ticket's already on my mobile phone), cancel the 2 idiotically worthless tickets and take the first train back to Chennai.

I'm even dreading the sleeper coach journey later this evening! Harry and his friends were travelling by a sleeper coach when the accident happened. What if I die? What if I never see my family again? What if I never see YOU again?

I'll go read Tom Sawyer if I want Adventure. I'll go finish the whole Wikipedia alphabetically if I want to know the unknown. Self realization kann mich mal. I wanna go home :-(.

<3 - TZ

13.05.13